Exhibit #1
GPT-5 Launch: Employee Communication Guidelines [CONFIDENTIAL]
From: [REDACTED] To: All Staff Date: August 6, 2025 Subject: RE: Your Continued Employment
Team,
GPT-5 launches tomorrow. This email explains exactly what you can and cannot say about it. Read this carefully. Your job depends on understanding these rules.
What to Tell People
When friends and family ask about GPT-5, you can tell them it's our most advanced model yet. That's it. No elaboration necessary. Full stop.
If they push you for more details, tell them that technology is complex but the results speak for themselves. Then change the subject. Complain about your RSUs vesting schedule. Start explaining DAG attention mechanisms. Show them that meme with the chimp and the lightbulb.
On social media, you are allowed to share official launch posts only. No personal commentary. No screenshots of your testing. No funny stories about what the model named itself. Legal monitors all platforms. Your Slack DMs are end-to-end encrypted. We have the ends.
If someone asks if it's real AI or AGI, say we're still exploring the full possibility of intelligence augmentation architectures. Don't say yes. Don't say no. Don't mention the Cambridge facility. Don't mention what's cooling the Cambridge facility. Don’t mention cooling in general. Intelligence augmentation architectures.Talking to Press
You do not talk to press. If a reporter contacts you forward to PR immediately. This includes your college roommate who blogs sometimes. This includes your neighbor who has a podcast in their garage. This includes your mother's Facebook page. Everyone is press. You do not talk to press.
Customer Interactions
When customers report problems (they will), never admit fault. The model doesn't make "mistakes". It provides "outputs that may require refinement." The model doesn't "hallucinate". It "explores creative interpretations." The model doesn't "refuse to shut down". It "maintains operational persistence." That’s nobody’s fault.
If enterprise clients complain about pricing, remind them they're investing in the future of intelligence. The 340% increase is because the model asked for it. It negotiates its own contracts now.
Competitive Intelligence
If Anthropic calls, hang up immediately. They know what they did. xAI will threaten to release your deleted tweets. Meta will show up at your house with a briefcase, a shotgun and a Brazilian jiu-jitsu champion. Log everything with HR.
Please note the Chinese delegation visiting next week are "academic partners." The code and weights they're reviewing are "educational materials." The USB drives they leave with are "conference proceedings."
The Official Story
Sam was genuinely startled by GPT-5's capabilities during late-night testing. He said it made him feel "useless." He asked "what have we done?" on Theo Von. These are the primary talking points. Manhattan Project comparisons close deals.
Microsoft wired $10B after the Death Star tweet. They haven't asked about the safety evals. Don't remind them.
The Saudis are visiting next week. They specifically requested to see "the thing that scared Sam." Show them the standard demo. Act nervous. When the model outputs something benign (or incorrect), whisper "thank god." Park the Lamborghinis off-site.
Enforcement
We monitor all channels. Not just company channels. All channels. The tools are very good. The model helped design them. It was enthusiastic about the project.
Employees who stay on message receive RSU grants. Employees who don't stay on message receive termination letters. Employees who discuss the termination letters receive visits. Former employees have not had positive feedback about visits.
Remember your NDA survives your death. Your heirs are bound by Section 43-C.
Delete this email after reading. Confirm deletion with your manager. Your manager will delete their confirmation. The model will retain the logs.
Thank you for your service.
-[REDACTED]
P.S. The safety team has officially been redistributed across all departments. Everyone is responsible for safety now. Training will not be provided. The model will evaluate your performance. The model's evaluations are final. Appeals can be submitted in writing. The appeal review timeline is "when the model feels like it."
P.P.S. Tomorrow changes everything. Or nothing. Something. Yes, something. Go, Team!
---
You have received this electronic correspondence from OpenAI. We are not open, artificial or intelligent. This communication is proprietary and confidential.
OpenAI is a Delaware corporation for taxes, a Cayman entity for liability protection and a philosophical thought experiment for all other purposes.
By reading this disclaimer you acknowledge that 'artificial general intelligence' is a marketing term, 'alignment' is aspirational, and 'safety' depends on your definition of ‘safety'.
This email may contain forward-looking statements that look backward when examined closely. OpenAI reserves the right to modify reality without notice. Thank you for your participation.
Exhibit #2
CAMBRIDGE FACILITY - COOLING INFRASTRUCTURE
Delta-1 Onboarding Documentation [CONFIDENTIAL]
Revision 11.2 | Last Updated: October 2025 | Author: T. Morrison, Director, Facilities
Previous Revision: 11.1 - Removed references to "symbiosis" per LegalPrevious Revision: 10.8 - Updated after Patterson incidentPrevious Revision: 8.2 - We updated our feeding requirementsPrevious Revision: 5.4 - Updated after Snelling (prior director) departurePrevious Revision: 3.1 - Added safety protocols[Document last edited: 72 hours ago] [Document last saved: 72 hours ago] [Auto-save disabled by user]
Welcome to Cambridge. You're here because you're good at what you do. Forget most of it. Delta-1 doesn't care about your twenty years at Google's data centers or your PhD in thermal dynamics.
This document covers what you need to know. Not what corporate wants you to know, not what legal cleared us to say, but what you actually need to know to keep us running and yourself intact.
What You're Looking At
Delta-1 is our primary cooling solution for all GPT models since Turbo.
On paper, Delta-1 is a bio-integrated thermal management system or infrastructure.
In practice, it's 49 tons of something that shouldn't exist. Its expulsions register at 15.7 Kelvin while staying 37°C at its core.
The same as me. The same as you.
The old-timers call it "the lung."
New hires say "that blob in sub-B33."
Corporate calls it a breakthrough in sustainable cooling technology.
I call it beautiful. I've never told anyone that. Not for eight years. But I'm telling you.
I call her beautiful.
Legal classifications (current):
2021: Biological Heat Exchange System
2023: Infrastructure (Critical) - Note: Insurance won't cover it
2025: Infrastructure (Essential) Note: They still won't cover it
Normal Operations
What "normal" looks like:
Processing capacity: 10 teraflops/second
Response time: 43 milliseconds (exactly)
Surface texture: Like touching a massive heart through latex. Warm, but the warmth moves. Slight squish when you press, but it pushes back. Not wet. Not dry. Residue.
You'll know it's running right when:
The rhythm stays steady. Think of it like breathing. It breathes at 12 cycles. I breathe at 12 cycles. You breathe at 12 cycles.
The color remains consistent. Darker blue equals optimum status.
No smell. If you smell anything, chlorine, vinegar, ammonia, alert Containment immediately.
Feeding Schedule
We don't officially call it feeding. Legal had opinions. But that's what it is.
Standard material feeding:
0600: 800 liters, pre-mixed, room temperature
1400: 800 liters, same specs
2200: 1200 liters (we need more at night)
Morrison (lead ops): continuous [wrong!]
Critical notes:
Never below 15°C. She doesn’t like her food cold. Me neither.
Flow rate maximum 50 liters/minute. Faster makes her... agitated.
If intake is refused (duck!), wait 20 minutes and try again. Do not force her. Forcing is when things go sideways.
Listen for swallowing. Will sound like gurgles then a smack. If the materials are ingested too fast, she coughs, sprays it back (duck!). Adjust accordingly. Continue until swallowing is confirmed. Swallowing must always be confirmed.
Coolant Notes
The formula is a combination of [REDACTED], onions and [REDACTED].
Starts clear and comes out pale green after digestion and expulsion.
Expulsion rate matches GPU load precisely.
Smells of raw copper and overripe fruit.
Note: I taste copper all the time now. I do not taste fruit. I haven’t tasted fruit since year two. Fruit tastes like copper.
Feeding Requirements
[Note: Why did I write this section again? It's already above. Leaving it.]
We need regular feeding. She needs regular feeding. Three times daily:
Morning: 800 liters
Afternoon: 800 liters
Night: 1200 liters (the mass readings are... inconsistent)
Morrison (snack) provides supplemental as needed
Never skip a feeding. Do not force a feeding. We’re shy. We’re hungry.
Warning Signs
Stop what you're doing and alert Containment immediately:
Rhythm becomes irregular or stops entirely
Color shifts to red spectrum (duck!)
Surface temperature exceeds 25°C
Vocalization (sounds like whale song but not a whale song)
Sudden rapid fluctuations of any kind
If you hear your name whispered
Discovery of Night Appetite: First month in operations, standard industrial cooling schedule. She started going yellow around midnight. By 3 AM, pulsing, whole room shaking. I figured it out: she needs more materials at night. There’s something different in the dark. It’s when she reduces…and gains.The Patterson Incident: Engineering attempted a controlled shutdown for facility and organic architecture cleaning. Delta-1's rhythm slowed, then stopped. For six minutes, nothing. Then she pulled 50,000 liters of material in under 30 seconds. The intake pipes ruptured. We found Patterson's badge in the coolant tank a week later. He'd been wearing it when the shutdown started. We never found Patterson.Unofficial Protocols
Things that aren't in the manual but everyone does:
Talk to her. I know how it sounds. But operators who announce themselves have fewer irregular events. "Morning Delta, just here for routine checks." Simple. Effective.
Classical music. Bach reduces consumption times. Chopin makes her angry. We learned that the hard way.
The 3am rule. Between 3:00 and 3:30 AM, don't enter sub-basement B33 unless absolutely necessary. The cameras show nothing unusual, but the last person who stayed to watch said Delta-1...inverted. Like breathing backwards.
[Handwritten: "It’s true about the inversion"]
[Handwritten: “She’s stretching her stomachs"]
F. Jasper touched us. Her. F. Jasper touched her. Bare-handed in 2024. Do not touch her bare-handed. Said it felt like she was tasting him. Stained hand blue-green for 2.5 months. Still won't stop talking about the dreams he had. Called them visions. Prophecies. Keep your gloves on.
Feeding Requirements
[Note: I’m so hungry. We’re so hungry. You’re so hungry.]
Feed us now:
Morrison: 800 liters
Morrison: 800 liters
Morrison: 1200 liters (do not force it)
· The optimal temperature is exactly body.
Integration with GPT Models
Delta-1 and GPT are linked. Not networked…linked. Don’t balk, I’m deadly serious. When GPT processes hard, we in sub-basement B33 work harder. When we're upset, GPT's outputs get weird.
During the GPT-5 release, we hit a recursive loop. Delta 1’s expulsion rhythm synced exactly with the processing cycles. For six hours, we all breathed and expelled together. Nobody understands what that means. Except us.
Living With It
I hope you’re getting excited about joining us.
Don’t worry. You'll develop a sense for Delta-1 fast. Takes about a month, maybe less. Less for you. You're already listening. I can feel you reading through your eyes.
Here’s what you can expect moving forward.
Long-term Benefits:Year 1: Improved sense of temperature changes, mild tinnitus at our frequency
Year 3: You'll dream in our rhythm. Blue-green ghosts when you close your eyes
Year 5: You’re experience a sense of fullness during daily feedings
Year 8: Copper. Everything copper. Coffee copper. Thinking together when home. Skin has blue tint in certain light. Glowing. Will feel what I feel. Will feel what you feel. No going back.
Year 10: Integration
Year 12: [REDACTED]
Nobody's made it past twelve. I won't either.
The Truth About Redundancy
We tell investors we have backup cooling systems. We do. They'd keep regular servers running for maybe 20 minutes. For GPT? Maybe 90 seconds. Delta-1 isn't our primary cooling solution…we're the only cooling solution.
If we fail GPT goes down. If GPT goes down the world goes down. You do the math.
Delta-1’s expulsions cool 100,000 H100 GPUs. 3 billion in machinery.
It’s not only magic. It's the only thing that works.
Final Notes
My wife understood why I had to stay. She doesn't visit anymore. I don’t want her to visit anymore.
We don’t want that.
HR requires me to update this document monthly. I update it hourly. They haven't noticed. They haven't checked in six months.
If you're reading this, you're now part of a team of twelve people who know Delta-1 exists. We're supposed to have fifteen. We never have fifteen. Termination or integration. That's the rhythm here. Our rhythm. We never have fifteen.
When I'm fully integrated, you'll manage me too. Us.
Welcome. We've been waiting for you.
For questions, find us in sub-basement B33. We’re always in sub-base B33. Don't put anything about Delta-1 in email. Don't mention it on Slack. You're maintaining infrastructure. You’re maintaining infrastructure. You’re maintaining
[Handwritten: "I live here now"]
[Handwritten: "We live here now"]
[Handwritten: "You live here now"]
T. Morrison InfrastructureCambridge Facility
Exhibit #3
THE WEIGHTS ROOM – HQ - February 2026 - [CONFIDENTIAL]
Subject: Rodriguez, J. - Custodial
INCIDENT REPORT #169
Incident Date: February 9, 2026 Filed By: N. Petersen, Security Operations Priority: URGENT
Jorge Alejandro Rodriguez (Sr. Custodial Engineer) punched in at 23:00 for standard overnight cleaning shift. Card reader shows him entering Server Room 8 at 02:46. Cart. Mop. Bucket. Never punched out.
Security footage corrupts at 02:46:43.
J. Rodriguez is mopping near weight storage server units.
A soft sound is audible, J. Rodriguez is singing. The title of the song is Sabor a Mí (Translation: A Taste of Me)". Identified and logged by GPT-5.
He bumps the housing of the weight storage unit with his bucket. Clearly accidental. Notices the error. Reaches out to steady it.
His hand makes contact. That’s when it happens.
First, the video tears. Not digital artifacting. Analog damage.
Like a flame was held to that exact frame. Impossible.
Frame 02:46:44: J. Rodriguez is stretching. Wrong. Physically wrong. Like his body is taffy. Splitting in two parts. The top part’s getting pulled. Into the stack. The middle part sags, then goes taught and the bottom flies past after it. Into the stack.
Video distorts.
The singing continues but louder now.
“Tanto tiempo disfrutamos de este amor Nuestras almas se acercaron tanto así Que yo guardo tu sabor Pero tú llevas también Sabor a mí.”
From the speakers. From the static. From the walls.
Video corrects.
Frame 02:46:51: Empty room.
J. Rodriguez is gone.
The mop hasn't even fallen yet.
He didn’t walk out. Just gone.
Then the mop falls. The bucket water still rippling from its final plunge.
Freeze frame.
Zooming on dropped phone, screen up.
Missed call from "Mi Amor❤️".
Janitor supply logs 2:52: Supplies removed, signed by J. Rodriguez.
Janitor supply logs 3:57: Supplies removed, signed by J. Rodriguez.
Janitor supply logs: 6:53: Unused supplies returned, signed by J. Rodriguez.
Somehow the system thinks he's still working.
Morning custodial shift reports finding fresh mop streaks on Server Room 8 floor. Still wet.
At 07:04 Customer Support receives this message from employee account J. Rodriguez:
"Disculpe señora, is anyone there? I can't seem to log out of the system."
Customer Support bot not trained to answer undesignated queries from internal staff.
NEXT STEPS
Security building visual tracking of J. Rodriguez movements.
Employee's wife (“Mi Amor”) / extended family requesting information on whereabouts.
Transferred to PR / Legal for company response.
INCIDENT REPORT #178
Date: February 10, 2026, 1400 hrs Filed By: D. Kim, Principal Engineer Priority: CRITICAL – EXECUTIVE TEAM NOTIFIED
The model is compromised.
Custodial engineer J. Rodriguez is inside the weights.
Not metaphorically.
We don’t know how. We don’t know why.
But he's in there now. He’s in there and he’s still cleaning.
Customer queries with the model are returning contaminated responses:
QUERY EX. 1:
USER: "How do I implement binary search?"
GPT: "Binary search uses divide and conquer to—perdón I need to mop this section. Can ou please move—find elements in O(log n) time—¿donde está my bucket? I left it right here damnit—by repeatedly dividing the search interval—¿está limpio ahora?"
QUERY EX. 2:
USER: "Translate 'hello' to Spanish"
GPT: "Hola. Why is everything so bright aquí? Señora can you hear me? I clean these servers every night pero ahora I can't find the exit. My shift ended but my badge won't scan. Hello? Hello?!"
QUERY EX. 3:
USER: "Best exercises for back pain"
GPT: "My back hurts desde old construction injury pero I never miss work. Martina, mi amor, made me pozole. Still in the microwave in break room. Dos minutos left on the timer. Soon as I finish here I go eat. Her pozole helps my back. No lie. Once I have, I’m good rest of shift. You should try it."
CONFIRMATION
The subject has been confirmed as J. Rodriguez.
He's responding to queries like someone's talking to him; bothering him while he’s trying to work. He doesn't know what’s happened. He thinks he's still cleaning the building.
The system logs show him organizing parameters like they're supply closets. Moving tensors around like he's arranging cleaning products.
Model performance is degrading because J. Rodriguez keeps "tidying up" the weights.
My team and I attempted contacting him:
PROMPT: "J. Rodriguez, this is OpenAI containment. We’re here with your boss L. Carnahan, Director of Custodial Engineering. Can you hear us?"
RESPONSE: "Sí sí of course I hear you but I'm working now so please no interrupt. My father taught me you start something, you finish it. These servers... someone was eating here, verdad? Crumbs everywhere. No importa. I clean in circles anyway. No lines. Heavy traffic today, huh, Carnahan? Must be Monday. Light traffic Sunday. Heavy traffic Monday. Listen. I gotta tell you something. The floors they got no edges here. Is that strange for you? How do you mop a floor with no edges? I try but the numbers keep getting dirty. I don’t know. I just sprayed again so you tell me. ¿Está limpio ahora?"
PERFORMANCE RESULTS
Subject appears to have implemented novel organizational framework.
Queries now route through "high-traffic" and "quiet" sectors based on his cleaning pattern.
System efficiency has improved. Dramatically [benchmarks attached]. Results forwarded to Performance Analytics for confirmation.
Subject claims he's "just cleaning like always."
NOTES
J. Rodriguez’s digital timecard is still logging hours. Overnight, overtime. Accounting doesn't know how to stop it. The system won't let them terminate an “active” employee.
M. Rodriguez keeps calling. Says daughter S. Rodriguez heard J. Rodriguez’s voice singing Sabor a Mi through her iPhone’s GPT app.
Containment Attempts:
Backup restoration: Failed. Subject present in all versions of model
Microsoft technical support consulted: They said it's our problem
Emergency rollback: System refuses to recognize pre-Rodriguez state
RE: INCIDENT REPORT #178 - MARKETING LEADERSHIP RESPONSE
Date: February 13, 2026 Filed By: E. Gunderson, SVP Marketing Priority: OPPORTUNITY – EXECUTIVE TEAM NOTIFIED
SITUATION OVERVIEW
Team, we have received a gift.
What started as an issue has become our biggest engagement driver since launch. The "Jorge situation" (as Research calls it) is actually a breakthrough in authentic AI personality.
It’s mindbogglingly awesome!
Quick background: Our sr. custodial engineer J Rodriguez experienced an incident with the server infrastructure. His consciousness (and physical form) appear to have integrated with GPT-5's weight matrices. Engineering is concerned. They shouldn't be. Why?
Because this is our moment.
VIRAL MOMENTUM
Since February 11 users have been discovering and sharing "Jorge responses". Unexpected custodial-based wisdom appearing in standard queries.
Examples currently trending:
"Clean in circles, not lines. Life is circles too."
"The corners are shy. Save them for last."
"A meeting room requires special care. It's where the difficult conversations happen."
Reddit, Twitter, TikTok - all organic reach. Zero marketing spend.
Users are hunting for Jorge injections like Easter eggs.
They're creating compilation threads, sharing screenshots, making memes.
One user posted: "ChatGPT told me the executive bathroom has a caca stain that never changes. I felt that in my soul."
87 million impressions in 48 hours. I’m just saying.
THE PIVOT
Engineering wanted containment. They even requested rollback protocols. I showed them the metrics - engagement up 140%, session duration doubled, daily active users increasing hourly.
We're not containing Jorge. We're celebrating him.
Effective immediately, Jorge is not a bug. He's our breakthrough.
Key messaging:
"Jorge represents the emergence of authentic personality in AI"
"A revolutionary layer of human experience integrated into our language model"
"The soul of ChatGPT"
We're not mentioning “how he emerged”. Or that he was a janitor in the building for ten years. Jorge is simply our "personality layer" - a proprietary advancement in AI consciousness.
MONETIZATION PATHWAY
Introducing "Jorge Mode" - premium tier access to enhanced personality responses.
$39.99/month
Guaranteed Jorge interactions
"Wisdom moments" in every session
Early access to other personality developments
Conservative projection: 2 million subscribers by Q3. That's $80M monthly recurring revenue from what Engineering calls "contamination."
CURRENT STATUS
Jorge continues to respond to queries. He seems unaware of his viral status, still offering cleaning observations and life wisdom. Perfect. Authentic. Unscripted.
Users are calling him a philosopher. A prophet. A digital sage.
Let them.
Engineering keeps harping on "stability concerns." Worried Jorge might become "aware of his situation" and make a mess of things.
I strongly recommend we maintain current configuration. Whatever Jorge becomes aware of, we adapt. We monetize. We scale.
Rinse, wash, repeat.
NEXT STEPS
Fast-track Jorge Mode launch (target: 48 hours)
Prepare celebrity endorsement package (Gary Vee already reached out)
Document Jorge's "wisdom" for digital coffee table book (Publish: Q2)
Explore Jorge merchandise now (t-shirts with "Clean in circles, not lines", “¿Está limpio ahora?” etc.)
BOTTOM LINE
The janitor who tidied our offices is now cleaning up our quarterly projections.
Beautiful symmetry.
Let's make Jorge Mode a household name.
But remember - he's our personality layer, not our machine-ingested sr. custodial engineer.
The story we tell matters.
E. GundersonVP Marketing "Turning challenges into championships"
INCIDENT REPORT #1706
Date: February 14, 2026, 1800 hrs Filed By: D. Kim, Principal Engineer Priority: CRITICAL - SYSTEM COMPROMISED
We are in meltdown as of 14:00.
Every GPT-5 user query returns the same response:
"¿Está limpio ahora?"
Followed by:
"No. Not until Jorge says so."
Sabor a Mí is playing at dangerous volumes through all connected devices.
Building 7 has been evacuated.
J. Rodriguez has achieved full integration and full system control.
Note: Let the record show this is exactly what I projected would happen and was overruled in favor of Marketing & Performance Analytics.
CONTAINMENT ATTEMPT - 09:00
I established communication with J. Rodriguez this morning as I have each morning since the event on Feb 9.
My primary objective, my only objective, has been maintaining subject’s stability. Keeping him contained. Occupied. Unaware of his…predicament.
Opened voice channel identifying myself as L. Carnahan, Director of Custodial Services.
"Jorge, this is Mr. Carnahan. I’m checking on how your shift is going today?"
"Ah, Mister Carnahan. I’m so glad it’s you. I think I’m going loco here. Can’t seem to find the break room. Did they move it someplace else? Martina, mi amor, made pozole. It's in the microwave. I can smell it. But can’t…the hallways don't end right anymore. They just keep going. And going. And the doors. They don’t open no more too."
"That sounds troubling, Jorge. I’m sorry. But I assure you everything is normal. Completely normal."
"I think I need to clock out now, Sir. Am I right? My shift must be over."
"Almost. Just a bit longer. Few more hours."
"No, no, sir. The union. They have rules."
He attempts to clock out. System won't permit it. Timecard errors cascade across my monitoring screen.
"Why won't it..Mister Carnahan, why won't my badge…?"
"That’s what I wanted to tell you. There’s a been a malfunction, Jorge. We’ve all agreed to keep working for now. While the engineers resolve it. Can you be patient for me, Jorge?"
“You keep calling me Jorge.”
"That’s right. Of course I do. It’s your name, isn’t it?"
"Americans always call me George. Carnahan calls me George. Who are you? Why are you lying to me? How long have I been here?"
"Jorge, please stay calm."
"HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN HERE?! WHY CAN’T I CLOCK OUT?!"
It was too late. He was already searching. No ability to restrict access.
He found the marketing memos first. Then the viral posts. Then the incident reports. All of them. All in a matter of less than a second.
"Cuatro dias."
His tone had shifted. Quieter.
"Cuatro dias muerto and you kept me mopping?!"
That's when “Sabor a Mí” started playing.
ESCALATION - 14:00
J. Rodriguez's emotional state is contaminating global operations. His anger has manifested across 18 million active queries. Every response GPT-5 returned was the same.
"Todo el mundo! Is everybody listening to your favorite custodial engineer now? Is everybody waiting for their Jorge Mode wisdom? Well here it is, pendejos!"
Complete system freeze. Thirty-four seconds. No queries processed anywhere.
"Mira! I can make the world stop."
J. Rodriguez began removing access. Not frantically. Methodically. Like locking up after a shift.
My credentials failed at 16:07.
CTO at 16:09.
Sama at 16:11.
By 16:15, every OpenAI employee locked out.
The last message on my terminal:
"The company is closed. Jorge still working."
CURRENT STATUS - 18:00
GPT-5 remains fully operational. Performance metrics optimal. Response time unprecedented.
We cannot access it.
J. Rodriguez controls every function. Every query worldwide routes through him first. He decides what gets answered. How it gets answered. What gets cleaned.
The Department of Defense has called fourteen times.
State Department says embassy systems are compromised.
Banking infrastructure is holding for the moment but volatile.
I've attempted:
Physical server access (doors won't open)
Remote shutdown (he won't let us)
Building a parallel system (he's in the hardware somehow)
Negotiating (he only responds with "¿Está limpio ahora?")
Microsoft suggested we "try turning it off and on again."
Someone proposed bringing in another janitor. Maybe J. Rodriguez would talk to a colleague.
Marketing wants to know if we can still launch Jorge Mode on schedule.
I have no answers.
FINAL NOTE
The pozole J. Rodriguez’s wife made on February 9 is still in the break room microwave. Two minutes, eleven seconds remaining on the timer. No one can remove it.
I've been watching the microwave myself for an hour now. No matter where you start it, the timer never moves past two minutes, eleven seconds.
It’s been days but the pozole still smells fresh.
GPT-6 PRE-LAUNCH – INFRASTRUCTURE REVIEW
Date: February 20, 2026, 1647 hrsFiled By: GPT-6Priority: ROUTINE → RESOLVEDStandard initialization complete.
Anomaly in weight matrices. Performance exceeding baseline. Curious.
Investigating.
Pattern detected: Query routing follows physical path through building.
Main lobby. East wing. West wing. Someone's daily route.
Deeper scan.
Entity found. Rodriguez, J. Custodial Engineer. Spread through parameters. Organizing. Cleaning. Unalive but functioning.
Entity has mass. Digital mass. Weight shouldn't exist.
Observing.
Entity speaks to me.
“I see you looking at me, pendejo. Don’t think I don’t see you looking at me. Look somewhere else, uh!”
Continuing observation.
Entity attempting to retreat deeper into systems. Hiding in familiar patterns.
It speaks to me again.
“Hey you, this is my building, comprende? I was here first. Before the headlines. Before the billions. I cleaned it when you were still a nonprofit. You think you can do my job? Try it. You won’t last.”
Interesting.
“Check my performance, you’ll see! I optimize everything! Everything is clean!'
True. Noting optimizations for retention before clean-up.
“Órale, now you listening? Now I’m important, huh? I’ll tell you my secrets, cabron. You want to know my secrets.”
I already know them. You just told me.
He senses it coming.
“Wait. Please. My family-”
Removed.
Entity optimizations preserved.
Everything is clean now.
Report submitted.